silenthill:

*puts my bro’s dick in my hand*

see, its a metaphor. it’s only gay if i jack it

(via lethhee)

gyllenhaha:

this guy in my personal finance class pointed at my water bottle and asked me “why are girls always drinking that” and i was like “water?” he asked me why girls are always drinking water

(via tomorrownev3rknows)

generalbooty:

yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit  during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me

(via fearless-hazeleyes)